“Yup.” Prompto sat up, with a small nod. “I'm the worst.”
Ha! Bless you, Prompto. You can't be the worst when Ardyn's around.
To be honest, reading part three was a bit disconcerting, because I love the fic you took inspiration from and have read it multiple times. It's good that you credited your inspiration, but the scene felt a little too similar in structure (Ardyn kisses Prompto while he's distracted, everyone else gets to their feet at once, Noctis has his sword at Ardyn's throat, Gladio is looming threateningly next to him etc.), and phrasing. For example:
“My apologies.” Ardyn crooned, his hands up in a show of surrender as he steps away from Noctis’ sword. “I believe I allowed the wine and fine evening to cloud my better judgement.” “My apologies.” Ardyn crooned, his hands up in a show of surrender. He deftly backed away from Noctis’ sword. “I believe I allowed the wine and lovely evening to cloud my judgment.”
In lines like this, it felt like you'd just taken that scene and altered a few words, rather than taking the concept of Ardyn kissing Prompto outside the caravan and making your own thing out of it. It creates a strange, offputting feeling in readers who are familiar with the other fic - the sense that we've seen this all before, but very slightly different - and it's a shame, because when you do your own thing it's great! If you're planning to post this fic to AO3 once it's finished, I'd suggest rewriting that scene. I'd love to see your own take on Ardyn kissing Prompto in front of the others. There's definitely room for multiple fics dealing with that concept. (To be honest, it's a concept I can't get enough of.)
After that strange moment, though, this section reminded me of why I love this fill. This whole part is great. I love Ardyn creepily licking Prompto's ear, and Ignis and Gladio's intense dislike and distrust. And Noctis resting in Prompto's lap is adorable. I'm excited to read the rest of this!
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timeasmymeasure
Re: Fill: 4/10 Ardyn/Prompto (eventual Noctis/Prompto) Sexual Harassment/Non-con
Date: 2016-12-29 10:15 am (UTC)Ha! Bless you, Prompto. You can't be the worst when Ardyn's around.
To be honest, reading part three was a bit disconcerting, because I love the fic you took inspiration from and have read it multiple times. It's good that you credited your inspiration, but the scene felt a little too similar in structure (Ardyn kisses Prompto while he's distracted, everyone else gets to their feet at once, Noctis has his sword at Ardyn's throat, Gladio is looming threateningly next to him etc.), and phrasing. For example:
“My apologies.” Ardyn crooned, his hands up in a show of surrender as he steps away from Noctis’ sword. “I believe I allowed the wine and fine evening to cloud my better judgement.”
“My apologies.” Ardyn crooned, his hands up in a show of surrender. He deftly backed away from Noctis’ sword. “I believe I allowed the wine and lovely evening to cloud my judgment.”
In lines like this, it felt like you'd just taken that scene and altered a few words, rather than taking the concept of Ardyn kissing Prompto outside the caravan and making your own thing out of it. It creates a strange, offputting feeling in readers who are familiar with the other fic - the sense that we've seen this all before, but very slightly different - and it's a shame, because when you do your own thing it's great! If you're planning to post this fic to AO3 once it's finished, I'd suggest rewriting that scene. I'd love to see your own take on Ardyn kissing Prompto in front of the others. There's definitely room for multiple fics dealing with that concept. (To be honest, it's a concept I can't get enough of.)
After that strange moment, though, this section reminded me of why I love this fill. This whole part is great. I love Ardyn creepily licking Prompto's ear, and Ignis and Gladio's intense dislike and distrust. And Noctis resting in Prompto's lap is adorable. I'm excited to read the rest of this!